"WHEN A CHILD IS BORN"
Song by Johnny Mathis
(By: Karla Wagener)
Well, it has been revealed to you why I was so convinced to stay with Pascual when I met him and he helped me in a very dangerous situation crossing the border from Ecuador to Columbia in October of 1975. (Kind of like a knight in shinning armour). Hahaha! Yes, it all seems almost funny now.
What hasn't been revealed is why my daughter's name is Alessandra and why we call her Andrea. Today is Easter 2024. I woke up from dreams about all this and think the time has come to tell you about it. I can't tell many people about it but you are special. My psychiatrist asked me about it so that mobilized my thoughts. I think I should say I am now being treated as maintenance and as he put it "this will be like a space for reflections". ("Like a mirror" it occurs to me.) He tells me that he sees me in good shape. I feel that through therapy and care over the years I am actually able to be a strong source of support and continence for others.
Anyway, we call my daughter Andrea and in her documents she is Alessandra. Perhaps this has been more difficult for her to deal with than anyone. It wasn't easy for me either.
You see, back in 1986 when I was pregnant with her, pascual and I were having really bad marital problems. We already had Angelo, who is really Pascual Angelo. He was 4 at that time. We call him Angelo so he has his own identity, but I wanted to name him Pascual because of my firm beliefs in the Pascua, Easter, tradition, a new better world, peace, etc.
Beyond all that, when Andrea was born we agreed to name her Andrea Patricia and it was noted down at the hospital. Then our marital problems got worse. Pascual was going out mostly every night. We hardly saw each other. Perhaps he was drinking and doing some drugs. Eventually, I made him leave. Then I got a call and she told me he was with another woman. When I saw him again and confronted him with it he confessed but never wanted to completely admit anything. He lived with a lot of guilt and conflict about leaving Argentina to go to the States with me. He felt unsure about my love for him. "It was complicated". He had bought houses in Argentina, but didn't want to buy any more houses in the States, after we sold them. Obviously, he had every intention of returning to Argentina.
In those days I was praying a lot and was pretty much alone, having very little support or connection with anyone. I had a few friends, and of course family, but was not open to them. I went into myself. I have always prayed a lot in my life, but even more in those days. So out of my contemplative prayer I decided to travel with my two children to Argentina with the idea of solutioning the problems. I was sure Pascual's problems from there were the roots that needed to be mended. I was not aware of my own weaknesses.
While pascual was staying out of my house, a letter came saying that if I wanted to make any changes in the baby's name I could. I hard-headedly changed the name to Alessandra. There was a soccer player that year in the world cup and I liked the name. Also I loved the history and power around Alexandria, Egypt, the lighthouse, library, etc. I thought, "If I'm going to bring her up alone then I'm going to put the name I like".
Then, pascual and I got back together since my coming to Argentina didn't give him much of another choice. The people here didn't understand what was happening. Neither did I. Perhaps I lost the faith I had because of the conflicts of coming from the States to Argentina in 1987, such a tumultuous time. I had a nervous breakdown. The medications were not what they are nowadays. These things take time. So, this is why we call Alessandra, Andrea. I basically forgot that I had changed the name on the birth certificate.
There are many details to be revealed. I hope this gives us "a ray of hope" this Easter. I certainly feel it is a testament of the possibilities of faith and hope. Many days it is difficult for me to say my morning prayers, 1) the prayer for the sick, 2) La Patria, 3) the Sacred heart of Jesus, 4) the one for more Vocations and 5) the Catena of Legion of Mary. There is so much happening in the world. I always muster up the strength to pray them and it always helps me feel better, with more strength.
And Alessandra and Pascual Angelo are the best, most important part of life now at an older age, in this journey through life.
HAPPY EASTER, 2024
