MUCH VIOLENCE!!!

YOU CAN CATCH MORE FLIES WITH HONEY THAN WITH VINEGAR.

Definition:

You can win people to your side more easily by gentle persuasion and flattery than by hostile confrontation.

¨The other day a Facebook friend posted the old saying, “You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar,” and it struck a chord. As with so many truisms, this one has proven true for me over and over again—especially in my work in marketing and public relations.

It just makes sense. Relationship building is one of the foundations of public relations and being cordial, respectful, kind and even generous draws people to you and encourages them to listen to your point of view.  

It’s really easy to lose sight of this. Today, life feels heavy with pressure and people are stressed, anxious and often frustrated. You see it in traffic, in online conversations and in face-to-face interactions. I’ve seen a volunteer committee chairman use hostility and sarcasm to the point where he has driven members away and limited the group’s ability to do what it has committed to do for the organization.

And, as corny as the honey versus vinegar truism sounds, it really is basic human nature. We deal with the “vinegar people” and “honey people” every day. Which ones do you find you want to work with and help out¨?  (Wrote:  Allen Mirales)

TECHNIQUES TO LOWER VIOLENCE

At first these techniques are difficult to follow, (almost impossible it seems, but like all skills and abilities), they get easier to implement with practice

¨It takes two to Tango¨.  The situation is never only on one side of the coin.  What one side does affects the other.

1.        Give ´em a chance.  Open up to others, giving them the opportunity to please you.  Many times (especially our children), they desire to please, but are confused about what we want, or uncertain about how to go about it too.

2.       Go over the vocabulary used in a situation a second, or more times, if necessary, with the other person to try to find where things got out of hand and reverse the violence into understanding and even compassion.

3.       Do a little theatre.  Psychodrama.  Sometimes a professional is needed to guide this process, but it is very effective.

4.       Horses and gestures.  With patience and consistency African tribes trained horses in the past touching and caressing them instead of training them violently.  Jesus once said, ¨Consistency will save you¨.   It may take longer and seem arduous, but in the long run, it is the best manner of being.

5.       Put yourself in the other´s shoes.  What is happening with them, and in their environment?  How is it seen from different angles?

6.       Come to terms with others and the environment.  Build on the other´s attributes and strong points.  Downplay negative traits.

7.       Try new and innovative reactions to old situations.  Practice it and imagine what could be said, or left unsaid, when it is necessary to be silent, or when a firm, skillful word should be used.  This has an element of surprise and can even lead to jokes or laughter since the other is not expecting the new reaction.

8.       Make fun of an extreme situation or attitude.  Help the other to see how ridiculous their violent reaction is; make a little fun of extreme reactions.  Be careful not to overdo it.  Too much can be provocation.  Sometimes it helps to make a little fun of oneself too!

9.       Deter and stop situations before they get out of hand.  This is so important.  See warning signs and take actions to calm things.  Your gestures, smiles, attitudes, body language all say something.  It is so important to be aware and care.  Indifference creates Monsters quickly!

10.   LISTEN AND BE HONEST.  This is really a step before Step No. 1.  But it is never too late!  Be honest and listen to yourself too, do a little fine tuning to know what is really happening!

11.   Find a common purpose or project.

12.   Find common grounds.

13.   Recognize what you do to irritate, if it is reasonable or necessary, or how you can modify or change too.

14.   CONCESSION. Learn to come to terms.  Learn to share and give others what they need too.

15.   Don´t fight over petty matters.  Reserve debate for what really matters.

16.   Search for support.  Professionals recommended through good sources, persons who have a say or authority with the other person…

17.   FORGIVE AND FORGET!  Remorse only wears away at your own soul.  Mending a broken heart is one of the hardest achievements possible, but one of the most rewarding.

18.   WIN ´EM OVER.  With sincere love and peaceful methods, following the example of forerunners like Gandhi, Jesus, Martin Luther King, or others you know of who used peaceful means.  Our priest in Mass one day explained, ¨taking the Bible´s writings and Word into our difficult situations is miraculous in making things better.  Armed with this there is no obstacle that is too great¨.  In my personal life, prayer has made it possible for me to find solutions where I had found only dead end streets.  I really believe, and have found it to be true, that prayer, sincerity, and a contrite heart works where Angels fear to tread!

19.   Sometimes it is simply better to wait (upon the Lord) and do nothing at all than to take action.  Moses and the Israelites kept going, doing nothing, waiting for 40 years for direction.  Jesus drank his Cup to be later resurrected.  And, thusly, many situations like this in history.  At another point in time things can fall into place almost magically, and you will leave the bad times behind, and,

20.   Find and discover what a treasure it is… GROWING OLD TOGETHER!