HIT THE
TRAIL!
(Written on
May 31, 2018)
Remembering
those years when I so needed to do some soul searching: it was a little like I
cut myself off from the world, some kind of autism, some kind of needed
loneliness. I was much younger then and
in spiritual need in my early ‘30s. My
young adult years were restless.
Intuitive ponderings possessed me.
Life is a journey and until we have certain experiences we cannot fully
know what it’s all about. Hopefully,
with age, one becomes more sagely, sensible and wise.
Not all
people can actually walk back into the past.
I feel that I have that opportunity because I have lived in Argentina
for a little more than 30 years and am now thinking about taking an extended
trip to the USA where I lived before, where I was born.
Images
cross my mind of what it could be like to travel in my “first” home once
again. It is a chance to reconcile with
the past, to come to terms with people and places from the past, hehe, before
it is too late!
On the
other hand, I feel I have some kind of spiritual gifts to offer that I did not
have when I was younger. My songs, the
knowledge, experiences and potential I have acquired.
It is a
good feeling to throw in the whole hook, line and sinker and not let things be
left undone, especially when it is possible to go the whole nine yards!
There were
people I could have visited in my life before they died and I did not go. They were not very close to me, yet they were
special people and I believe I missed important opportunities in not having
last words with them. “Let the dead bury
the dead”, and while we are still alive, let us fill empty spaces with deep and
meaningful experiences! What good does
it do to fuss, feud or fight? It is so
much more satisfying to sing, see, share and serve!
Dad used to
say, “You can’t change the past!” This
is not a desire to re-do what has been, but rather a hope to live to the
fullest while still possible.
Mom had
cancer in her last years. Dad apparently
knew it and didn’t tell us. Still, he
let her do everything her heart desired that was possible to do. He made her dreams come true. She went to Hawaii to visit our sister and to
see her newborn granddaughter. Then she
went to Michigan to see her half-brother, who she barely knew and his
family. She went to Washington D.C. to
see her sister, family and another daughter who lived there.
Money was
not an object to Dad. Whatever he could
do, he did. He bought her a Louis XV
imitation loveseat that she dreamed of, and insisted she get her teeth fixed
even though it was so expensive and she doubted whether to do it or not.
My son,
Angelo and I went with Mom to the dentist and waited for her. She had asked us to accompany her. Angelo was young and played on some stairs,
crawling up and down. It is one of the
best memories I have ever had. Nothing
important happened, but we were with mom and she was relieved that we
accompanied her.
Later,
after she died, Dad was lost and lonely and Angelo and I stayed with him. One day, I went into the kitchen and found
Angelo covered with chocolate Oreos, eating them happily and making a
mess. Dad entered and started to laugh
at his mischievousness. He confessed to
his naughtiness. Another day he came to
the house with a red wagon and said, “I can take the food and goods into the
house with this from the car when I buy groceries. Besides, every kid should be able to play
with a little red wagon!”
We went to
lunch together every once in a while and Dad chattered more in those
moments. I remember his pleased, playful
laugh from those times.
Then one
day Dad got an old pink toy elephant mom had bought in a garage sale before she
died down from a shelf. It was a toddler
ride-on type scooter toy.
Angelo rode
that thing up and down the street, all over the house and yard, everywhere, all
the time! He almost ate and slept on it! We went with the sister from Washington D.C.,
who came to visit and Dad to Chama, New Mexico and to the Anastasi Indian
ruins. They are caves in the side of a
mountain. It is beautiful there with
deep greens of all shades possible and the smell of pines and trees fill the
air. Angelo rode the elephant up and
down the paths there energetically. He
did not tire racing up and down all afternoon.
Who knows what adventures crossed over in his little mind as he hit the
trails and scooted back and forth? You
could see he lived life to the fullest that afternoon.
Finally,
later on, after we returned from the trip one day a bolt on the wheel of the
elephant broke and I stupidly threw the toy away. When Dad knew it, he said, “I could have
fixed it!” It was too late! It was a hard lesson to learn, but now I know
to fix things when possible before it is too late!
By: Karla
